Growing up I have found that making genuine friends is one of the hardest things to do because they are either opportunists seeking a "good time" or they are so focused on the quantity of their friendships rather than quality. I have found myself in a pickle trying to differentiate myself from everyone around me and that is: I just don't fit in. No matter how many times I try to find peace with myself and those around me, it just can't seem to happen. I blame myself really, "I should be more like them"-is what I say to myself when I try to make sense of all of this. "I need to quit wallowing in the fact that being a loyal friend is overrated nowadays." Its true isn't it? So if you find yourself in a situation where making friends and finding peace with yourself is a pretty hard thing to do, follow these ten steps to success:
1. Focus on yourself:
If you're like me, you tend to focus on other people's happiness rather than your own and find yourself let down because you're surprised that they don't give two craps about you. Hello! We live in the "me nation now!!!" So fend for yourself, that's what everyone else is doing!
2. Blow the people you care about off:
So what if your best friend invites you to her wedding? You just got a call from the dude who sits behind you in algebra inviting you to a Coldplay concert that night! Who care's if it is her big day. After all, your happiness is the only thing that matters.
3. Don't seem available:
If you are anything like me and have those nights where you wish you had plans but didn't, don't worry about it! If a friend calls you to come over don't do it. You see? You're making yourself too available. After all you have better plans, right? Curling up in a ball in a dark room watching reruns of The Price is Right sounds appeasing enough.
4. Cut off all Emotional Ties:
If you show any emotion, you don't fit in in this world. Now don't get me wrong, when your favorite celebrity dies on TV shed a few tears or two; seems like the only sensible thing to do anyway. But when you just got dumped and you are wanting to eat a tub of Blue Bell Ice Cream and drown in your tears, that is the LAST thing you want to do. Act like a zombie. Instead call up one of your opportunist friends who don't care about your break up and go to a few parties to get your mind off your emotions. Because when you are living in the moment, does the fact of leaving those parties and going back to your empty place leaving you time to think about the break up really matter? Of course not! "It's not you, it's me."
5. Take as many unnecessary selfies as you can:
You see, your materialistic friends taking pictures of themselves making duck faces and ridiculous poses is really what it is all about. Why don't you do the same? Show that guy who dumped you last week what putting on ten pounds of make up and taking pictures in your bathroom is really all about! Man, you sure showed him! I bet he is on his couch watching The Notebook wishing you were there.
6. Call every friend you have your "BEST friend":
After all, you only care about quantity now, not quality. So posting statuses about your 100 best friends is really going to make a statement to the world, oh and your other 99 best friends. I mean seriously, who nowadays has one best friend? Psh, not me!
7. Keep hanging out with those friends who take advantage of you:
If you ignored all the 6 steps before this one, then you are probably here. You have found yourself wanting to hang around people who treat you like cat urine. So what, right? You made a new roommate a few weeks ago from a best friend of a best friend and she eats all your food and goes through all your stuff. Who cares though! You have all you need in that hopeless thing you called a friendship. Suck it up and continue to let them take advantage of you. What do you really have to lose anyways? "What's mine is yours...stranger."
8. Show everyone that what you're doing with your life is a lot more fun than what THEY are doing with their life:
Do it. Post a million photos of you with your best friends doing random crap and let the world know that this is the "best time of your life." Because the million other posts about the "best times of your life" with your other best friends, really don't matter any more because you are making a statement.
9. Live in the moment...like, literally:
If you continue to live in the moment, I promise you, you will make the most friends. Your friend invites you to a toga party that you blew off the week before because you didn't want to seem too available, and you decide to go, that test the next day that determines if you're going to graduate doesn't really matter anyways. Live in the moment bruhhhh.
10. You don't invite them, they invite YOU:
Spend some time on your "I am really mad she didn't invite me but I am going to act like I just won the lottery face" in the mirror. I can't tell you how many times I found myself being left out of a group and it was because of silly me, I always chose to invite my friends to events only I knew about. If only I was the one invited to their events. Why is it you aren't ever invited? Because you didn't follow the nine other steps before this one.
So if you want to be like everyone else around you, please follow these steps. If you could care less about quantity and want to be a genuine person, then completely ignore these steps. The world, after all needs more friends...right?
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